To The One who Feels She's Been Doing Something Wrong

You haven't. You aren't. You didn't do anything wrong by loving that person, or being kind to that person, or even acknowledging them. If they aren't returning the love, if they aren't kind enough to treat you with the same kindness you've shown them, and if they're not decent enough to at least acknowledge you back... it's their problem. Not yours.

Some people are just (for lack of a better term) toxic. They treat you like you mean something to them then they leave you when you're no longer needed, like an old hand-towel.

You're not a hand-towel. You're a human being who is so inexplicably loved by the Creator of the universe that He sent His only Son to die for you. You're priceless. Worthy. Chosen. 

It's hard to see that sometimes, though, and even harder when the love and kindness you give someone is unreturned. You go out of your way to get to know someone... they're interesting and they seem interested in you... at first. But the truth is, these types of people only make you feel needed when they need you. And it's a nice feeling, right? To feel needed?

But when they're done, and they don't need you anymore, they dispose of you and don't explain why. This hurts. I've been there. I've talked to a close friend today that has been there. And it makes you feel... worthless. Like you're somehow in the wrong for pursuing a friendship with this person. You feel stupid when you're rejected, like you did something so uncalled-for that this person is appalled to even speak to you.

But let me get one thing straight, please: you are not wrong for being kind. 

I don't want to point fingers, so I'm not going to come out and say the other person is "wrong." But let's just call them "troubled" for now. They have problems with knowing how to treat others. They have issues with insecurity. Yes, even behind their striking good-looks and apparent confidence, there are deep wounds that we don't see.

And maybe it scares them that you're so nice. Maybe they genuinely don't care about you, (which is so bizarre, because you're pretty great,) and they don't even have the decency to let you down easy. When they don't need to be nice... they just aren't. It's more of a social/behavioral issue than anything. Their people skills are a little off. Maybe it's not their fault, maybe it is, but their pasts and their scars have nothing to do with you.

And you need to stop taking it out on yourself and just accept that this is simply how some people behave. You're not responsible for their behaviors, only they are. It's a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and remind yourself that no matter how people treat you, you have worth beyond measure that no unreturned text can take away. You have value that is unscathed by the apathy of others. Your self-worth should be separate from the crappy way people treat you because our worth is not defined by human standards, but by the redeeming, all-consuming love of Christ.

So keep on being kind, and keep on showing compassion... UNDER ONE CONDITION:

You can't let the response you get affect your willingness to continue.

If you go into a situation with pure intentions to love someone the way God loves them, then there aren't any issues with the petty responses you may receive. This is because God's love is unfailing. He loved us and saved us when we were still sinners. We don't deserve His love, and neither does that guy who ignored you in the hallway today. 

But we love anyway. Let God's guidance be your stronghold as you bring the Light of Christ to the hearts of the broken. Put on His armor to defend you. Keep on keepin' on.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.
-1 Corinthians 16:13-14 NIV

I love you.

Carly

Hey, Beautiful.

I see you sitting there. Reading this. And I'm no mind-reader, but I can confidently assume that at some point today, you've been waiting for the approval of someone. Whether it be your significant other, (or that hottie that you wish was your significant other,) your "friends," your parents, your professors... we all want to impress someone. We all want to feel worthy of love.

I get it. I'm no exception. In fact, I'm probably the rule itself: I'm a young woman in college and I want to feel special. And I'm guessing that you do, too.

And I'm not trying to stop you from feeling like you need to be special. You definitely are special. But maybe you're looking in the wrong places. And it's hurting you when you don't come back with what you were looking for.

I heard a great quote from a movie today, and it really stuck with me:

"To the wrong person you will never have any worth.  To the right person you will mean everything*.”

That sounds pretty good, right? To mean that much to someone? But who is that "someone?" How do we meet him? Does he go to your school, or will you meet him when you're older? Will he be from around here, or live in another country, or...

I'm just going to stop you there, you brilliant human you. This "person" might not be who you thought it would be. 

**Spoiler Alert**

It's Jesus.

Now before you shut down and read through the rest of this post really quickly to avoid being rude, (been there, done that,) I encourage you to really consider your worth to Christ. Because it made all the difference for me.

According to Jesus:

1.) You are here for a reason. You were CREATED for a reason. You have purpose, and were designed for something that only YOU can do. That's pretty cool.

2.) Despite your flaws and sins and past mistakes, you are unconditionally loved. Forever. Always. No if's, and's or but's.

3.) You are loved SO much that God sent His Son to save you from a life of sin and bring you into His light. You are literally "to die for." Like a really good cupcake. Only human, and you mean much more to God than a pastry.

Don't let your worth be determined by a human, no matter who it is. Humans are pretty unkind sometimes. Once you begin to see yourself how God sees you, that hole that you've been trying to fill (with whatever you try to shove down there... good grades, boys, fitness, cute outfits...) it's no longer empty and void. You're filled with the surpassing love of Christ, and no one can ever take that away.

Just to recap: you're special, loved, and forgiven because God says so. And He's the only One that matters.

Stay hopeful.

*The movie was God's Not Dead, by the way. It's on Netflix, and I highly suggest it. 

If you want more homework, here are links to some of the passages I referenced in my "three things you want to hear as a college girl who wants to feel special:"

1.Psalm 139 Says God Created You

2. Paul's Letter to the Romans reaffirms God's Unconditional Love

3. God Sent Jesus for YOU

To My Friend Who is Overwhelmed

To one of my closest friends,

I know that you're at the point where encouragement is not all that helpful. Stress, depression, and the unfortunate onset of mono have you in a place that is pretty much closed off to any sort of uplifting thought. However, I'm still going to write to you anyways. This season will past. You are not defined by your afflictions.

Romans 8:26-27
...the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the spirit is saying, for the spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will.

Depression alone is debilitating. It shoots down any possibility for motivation and eventually leads to the shutting down of emotions. I normally refer to this state as "being numb". I do not know if you've reached this point, but if you have I understand where you're at. At least, in a sense. For, no two peoples' experiences are ever quite the same, but you know what I mean. On top of this depression, I know that stress has a way of pulling you between two extremes. First being the indifference of depression and the intense dissonance of stress.

Long story short, you're in fear and doubt of a lot of things right now. You're looking up hill and feeling as if you're weighed down by all of these calamities. You fear you won't make it much further. But thankfully, we weren't designed to walk this thing alone. One of the most common commands found throughout scripture is that telling us to not fear. The command to not doubt is also in there quite a bit. Sounds nice enough, but we both know it is a lot more difficult than simply ceasing to fear or doubt. So, what do we do to take steps in this direction?

First of all, I challenge you to evaluate yourself differently. Take a step back for a minute. If someone else were in your position, what kind of advice would you give them? What would you expect of them and their performance? I'm almost certain that you'd expect much less of them than you're expecting of yourself in this season. Take heart, those around you are not disappointed in you. We love you. And so does God.

It's so easy to tell someone to just stop worrying about something. It's not so easy to receive this advice and actually follow through with it. I've never been told to stop worrying and that alone was enough to stop me from worrying. Ideally, there's a shift in circumstances. Either that, or a shift in heart. Neither of which are things that we have a whole lot of control over, at least not in a genuine sense. We can choose to look at circumstances differently, but deep down, we know the circumstances haven't changed. We can choose to have a different heart towards a matter... or at least we think we can. The problem is that this shift was originated in our heads... thus, making it a shift in our minds. The heart is still in despair.

What are we to do in a situation like this? To put it simply, we call upon the One who can do something about it. We've all heard that God can make all things new. This is including our hearts, even out circumstances. Not only is He able, He is willing. When we know that God is able and willing to shift the course of reality out of love for us, our foundation for being overwhelmed practically ceases to exist.

We don't expect anything of you. We know that you are stronger than you think you are.

I will walk with you through this season.

I will not give up on you.

Your friend,

Jake

To My Friend, Post-Breakup

Dearest Friend of Mine,

Breakups are awful. I know they're used for a greater purpose, and they can lead to greater things, and a greater Will is being revealed, (you know the drill,) but right now all you can think about is how much they suck. And they do. I'm so so so sorry for the heartbreak you're feeling right now. The pain is real. I've been there, and I can confidently say that breakups are almost always hard. 

They allow for a certain period of grief, and I want to be the first to say that being sad is okay! Crying on the couch with some ice-cream is understandable, and I would argue, necessary, in most cases. So take the time to grieve a little. It's okay.

A wise man once told me, though, that we're allowed to grieve but we should never be in despair. There's a difference. Grieving is temporary, and it's used to cope with your loss. But the hope of Jesus tells us that these struggles are temporary, and we should take heart!

Yes, that's right, the One who overcame the world, sin, and even death came through on the other side, and you will too! The Bible says we'll emerge victorious, and that God has marvelous plans for our lives that are so wonderful we can't even fully comprehend them!

Let that sink in a little.

While you're sniffling about a guy, God is preparing you for something that is literally unimaginable. I know he's not just "some guy," and that he will always have a space in your heart... but God needs to have enough room in your heart, too. Put your hope in HIM, and get through the grief with your eyes fixed on Him, because He will never disappoint. He will guide you along GOOD pastures, and through some valleys, too.

The important thing to make sure you're not in despair is that you put your hope in the LORD alone. Be confident that He will do what He promises. He'll give you the desires of your heart, and will hold you in His arms during this difficult time.

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart...
-Isaiah 40:11 NIV

Trust the Good Shepherd. 

I'm here for you and I love you mucho,

Carly

For my Friend with Dwindling Motivation

Hey girl, (and me, because we can all use this message,)

You told me recently that you're having a hard time this year in college because of a lack of motivation. You're smart, and capable, and devoted to just about everything you do. But this year, for some reason, it's difficult to stay motivated and work hard on your schoolwork.

I've been there. We all have. But the beautiful thing about being a person of faith is that it gives your life purpose, meaning, and it can motivate you whenever you're lacking drive. With God, even the seemingly meaningless tasks can be done with our eyes fixed on Him. 

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
-Colossians 3:23-24

You may think that this only applies to things related to the church, like Bible study or prayer... but Paul makes it very clear that we should apply this to everything and everyone:

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
-Colossians 3:17

Work like you're working for the Lord this week. In every paper, in every study session, in every class that seems pointless, know that God is working within you. He is using every situation to give you strength and perseverance.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

-1 Thessalonians 5:18NLT

I love you more than words can say.

Love and Grace,

Carly

To an amazing friend, 

I know life gets tough, and it becomes hard to overcome everything life throws at you, from school, to a boyfriend, to new friendships, to a new culture, and I know you don't want to admit it, but life is hard. Just know that I'm praying for you, and I believe that God has a plan. 
I love the verse Romans 8:28:

"God works ALL things together for the GOOD of those who LOVE Him and have been called according to His PURPOSE." 

You told me this verse last night when you were helping me overcome an life obstacle, and it just reminded me of the reason I was here at college. Thank you, and know and believe that, that verse is true it is beyond anything that you have to face, it brings light and love into darkness that may surround. 

I know you miss your family, friends, and everyone from all over the world. Know that I do too, I feel your pain of distance, but also know that I'm here for you, as a prayer warrior and of course a friend. I believe that you can do it. That although the journey maybe hard now, it has a so much greater and bigger purpose. And even if you feel that where you are now in your journey is difficult, know that having you in my life this year has been such a blessing! And I couldn't ask God for a better friend. 

Writing this letter I'm thinking of a song... that I've heard you play on your Spotify list... and it's been playing through my head through out the day...

"So put me anywhere, just put Your glory in me
I’ll serve anywhere, just let me see Your beauty
So put me anywhere, just put Your glory in me
I’ll serve anywhere, just let me see Your beauty
Catch me up in Your story
All my life for Your glory
My God, My joy, My delight..." 

This song means so much, because this right here, right now is where God has placed us. And He is our joy and delight. No matter the struggle of the 12-page paper due and all those stresses of life. God, cares and wants you to succeed and carry on. Knowing you'll serve Him above ALL else. 

I love you! And I'm always praying for you, believing you can do it! I'm cheering you on. 

Yours in Christ, 

Thea Schooling

To My Friend Doubting God's Goodness

Hey man,

I'm writing to you as you're in doubt of God's goodness towards you. My response to this is made under the assumption that God is impartial and has no respect for our persons. In other words, He views us all as equal. What He would do for one of us, He would do for all of us. This is due to God's just and never-changing nature. What's awesome about this is that we can take hold of promises that God has made throughout history and live with the understanding that, "since God has done this in the past, He is able and willing to do this in my life as well". Even if you don't agree with me about these characteristics, please hang in there and at least hear me out.

I have to admit, the bulk of this letter is actually taken from a devotional I wrote about a year ago. I've wrestled with how to approach this scenario and what would be most beneficial up until a few minutes ago when I stumbled upon this old writing of mine. I never expected to find this, and quite honestly I don't remember writing it. It doesn't even seem like my writing style. Anyways, here is the devotional. Even thought it may seem to be slightly out of context, trust me, it is relevant to our conversation.

Think about the story of Jesus for a minute. When God himself came down from heaven in human form, very few people even noticed at first. There wasn't thunder and flashing lights... or a loud voice announcing his arrival. It was a quiet, humble entrance into the world. His arrival was revealed through relationship. Jesus was a son, His parents knew of his arrival. Then they shared the word of his arrival with those around them at the time. Sooner or later, the word spread. The anointed one's time had come. But it wasn't as spectacular as the people had expected. 

In order to expound upon the magnificence of this action, please take a minute to think about the throne room as it is described in Revelation. John the revalator describes the throne room in such detail, yet it is so far beyond our imagination. God is worshiped along with Christ, for they are one, at all times. The worship has always been there, and always will be. He was willing to leave this for you. There is a glory that fills that place. There is no pain or suffering, and everything is perfect. Now, God chose to leave this throne. He left this place temporarily to die for the sake of eternal relationship with His creation, His beloved children. He did this for you.

This is amazing. The God of all Creation chose to leave the throne for the sake of His children. But realize this, when He arrived here on earth, the circumstances were not so glorious. He was born in a manger. There wasn't anything spectacular about the arrival outside of the fact that God had come to save the world, which is very spectacular, but you know what I mean. 

Then think about the way Christ handled His ministry on the earth. He didn't walk around handing out money to the poor. No, there was something very different about His teaching. He broke down barriers and He strongly encouraged relationship. When He saw a crippled individual, He healed them. When he ministered to people, He sat down and talked with them. Think about the woman at the well in the book of John. He sat there and talked with the woman about her life, and then gave her what she was in need of. He got to know people and then served them out of love.

This way of handling ministry was mimicked by the apostles as well. You see, we have this ministry of reconciliation, which translates to not holding peoples' sins against them. This means that we are to love them unconditionally as Christ has and continues to love us. Think about this for a while, the King left His throne because He loved you enough to leave His glory and die for you. If we follow this example and live out of an overflow of love for others, then we will get what is at the heart of Christ's ministry.

Alright, so I admit that my initial purpose in writing that devotional was not solely to highlight the goodness of God towards us each as individuals. However, there are some really solid points in there that I would like to make note of. We as people struggle daily. As Christians, we are not exempt from this. Oftentimes we get discouraged by lack of progress. Sometimes we feel as if we are led on by God, just to be let down when things don't turn out as expected.

Proverbs 13:12 states that "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life". The interesting thing about this verse is that it states that when hope itself is deferred, not what is hoped for, it makes the heart sick. It is when we stop hoping that we start getting upset and aggravated. It is at this point that we stop seeing results. It's at this point that we close our eyes to the goodness of God.

When you were young, you were encouraged to dream big. When you were asked what you wanted to be in kindergarten, you probably said something along the lines of an astronaut or a football player. It's most likely that you didn't say you wanted to be an accountant or production manager. The point is, as we grow up, we let the world affect our outlook on what is possible. You've been beat down. You've been discouraged, but these discouraging aspects of life should not be seen as God revoking his blessing from you. Remember that the world will come at you incessantly. In the midst of this, you forget that you are a child of a God who can make anything possible. It is because of this that we settle for less than what we are capable of. But when we remember who our Father is, we can live with great hope. It is only when we acknowledge Him that we truly see the goodness of what He is constantly doing in our lives

He loves every single one of us unconditionally. You are not an exception.

His blessings often do not appear in the way we expect them to. Remember, if you're not seeing God's blessing in your life, it means He is trying to reveal Himself to you in a new way. Jesus came to the earth with a new type of teaching. Don't be turned away too easily. If it takes the audible voice of God speaking to you in order for you to notice Him, you two probably aren't that intimate. The fact that it is not obvious what God is doing just means that He wants you to see Him in  a new way. Keep your eyes fixed and search for Him. When you find Him, your world will be rocked.

I proclaim blessings over you in Christ's name.

Be blessed bro,

Jake