To The One who Feels She's Been Doing Something Wrong

You haven't. You aren't. You didn't do anything wrong by loving that person, or being kind to that person, or even acknowledging them. If they aren't returning the love, if they aren't kind enough to treat you with the same kindness you've shown them, and if they're not decent enough to at least acknowledge you back... it's their problem. Not yours.

Some people are just (for lack of a better term) toxic. They treat you like you mean something to them then they leave you when you're no longer needed, like an old hand-towel.

You're not a hand-towel. You're a human being who is so inexplicably loved by the Creator of the universe that He sent His only Son to die for you. You're priceless. Worthy. Chosen. 

It's hard to see that sometimes, though, and even harder when the love and kindness you give someone is unreturned. You go out of your way to get to know someone... they're interesting and they seem interested in you... at first. But the truth is, these types of people only make you feel needed when they need you. And it's a nice feeling, right? To feel needed?

But when they're done, and they don't need you anymore, they dispose of you and don't explain why. This hurts. I've been there. I've talked to a close friend today that has been there. And it makes you feel... worthless. Like you're somehow in the wrong for pursuing a friendship with this person. You feel stupid when you're rejected, like you did something so uncalled-for that this person is appalled to even speak to you.

But let me get one thing straight, please: you are not wrong for being kind. 

I don't want to point fingers, so I'm not going to come out and say the other person is "wrong." But let's just call them "troubled" for now. They have problems with knowing how to treat others. They have issues with insecurity. Yes, even behind their striking good-looks and apparent confidence, there are deep wounds that we don't see.

And maybe it scares them that you're so nice. Maybe they genuinely don't care about you, (which is so bizarre, because you're pretty great,) and they don't even have the decency to let you down easy. When they don't need to be nice... they just aren't. It's more of a social/behavioral issue than anything. Their people skills are a little off. Maybe it's not their fault, maybe it is, but their pasts and their scars have nothing to do with you.

And you need to stop taking it out on yourself and just accept that this is simply how some people behave. You're not responsible for their behaviors, only they are. It's a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and remind yourself that no matter how people treat you, you have worth beyond measure that no unreturned text can take away. You have value that is unscathed by the apathy of others. Your self-worth should be separate from the crappy way people treat you because our worth is not defined by human standards, but by the redeeming, all-consuming love of Christ.

So keep on being kind, and keep on showing compassion... UNDER ONE CONDITION:

You can't let the response you get affect your willingness to continue.

If you go into a situation with pure intentions to love someone the way God loves them, then there aren't any issues with the petty responses you may receive. This is because God's love is unfailing. He loved us and saved us when we were still sinners. We don't deserve His love, and neither does that guy who ignored you in the hallway today. 

But we love anyway. Let God's guidance be your stronghold as you bring the Light of Christ to the hearts of the broken. Put on His armor to defend you. Keep on keepin' on.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.
-1 Corinthians 16:13-14 NIV

I love you.

Carly

Hey, Beautiful.

I see you sitting there. Reading this. And I'm no mind-reader, but I can confidently assume that at some point today, you've been waiting for the approval of someone. Whether it be your significant other, (or that hottie that you wish was your significant other,) your "friends," your parents, your professors... we all want to impress someone. We all want to feel worthy of love.

I get it. I'm no exception. In fact, I'm probably the rule itself: I'm a young woman in college and I want to feel special. And I'm guessing that you do, too.

And I'm not trying to stop you from feeling like you need to be special. You definitely are special. But maybe you're looking in the wrong places. And it's hurting you when you don't come back with what you were looking for.

I heard a great quote from a movie today, and it really stuck with me:

"To the wrong person you will never have any worth.  To the right person you will mean everything*.”

That sounds pretty good, right? To mean that much to someone? But who is that "someone?" How do we meet him? Does he go to your school, or will you meet him when you're older? Will he be from around here, or live in another country, or...

I'm just going to stop you there, you brilliant human you. This "person" might not be who you thought it would be. 

**Spoiler Alert**

It's Jesus.

Now before you shut down and read through the rest of this post really quickly to avoid being rude, (been there, done that,) I encourage you to really consider your worth to Christ. Because it made all the difference for me.

According to Jesus:

1.) You are here for a reason. You were CREATED for a reason. You have purpose, and were designed for something that only YOU can do. That's pretty cool.

2.) Despite your flaws and sins and past mistakes, you are unconditionally loved. Forever. Always. No if's, and's or but's.

3.) You are loved SO much that God sent His Son to save you from a life of sin and bring you into His light. You are literally "to die for." Like a really good cupcake. Only human, and you mean much more to God than a pastry.

Don't let your worth be determined by a human, no matter who it is. Humans are pretty unkind sometimes. Once you begin to see yourself how God sees you, that hole that you've been trying to fill (with whatever you try to shove down there... good grades, boys, fitness, cute outfits...) it's no longer empty and void. You're filled with the surpassing love of Christ, and no one can ever take that away.

Just to recap: you're special, loved, and forgiven because God says so. And He's the only One that matters.

Stay hopeful.

*The movie was God's Not Dead, by the way. It's on Netflix, and I highly suggest it. 

If you want more homework, here are links to some of the passages I referenced in my "three things you want to hear as a college girl who wants to feel special:"

1.Psalm 139 Says God Created You

2. Paul's Letter to the Romans reaffirms God's Unconditional Love

3. God Sent Jesus for YOU